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Well, that small little blip is over. It may have ruined me to going to one of my favorite places, but I'll just wait a few more weeks and then go back to business as usual. So I've decided to put myself on a challenge this coming month. I've already started on it for this week, but next month is going to be it. I'm going to be challenging myself to be in bed by 10 pm (I'm in bed) and to also spend less than $100/week on food, shopping, yarn, drinks, going out, etc. That's it. I'll be taking out cash on Sunday and then using just what I have. It's not unreasonable, and I'm ashamed to admit that I've been living more luxuriously than I should. I live within my means, but now I have goals to work towards. I wasn't saving as much as I should for housing or for whatnot because I had no clear goals. And that has changed. I now have something to work towards that gives me hope. And I'm serious about it. I just need to get there. And it will take work and dedication. It's weird. I always thought that by the time I was in my late twenties, I would at least have had a serious relationship that even got close to thinking about marriage. And that's not even anywhere near a possibility right now. I mean, heck, I even take into account in my planning for the future the possibility of being a single mom. I'd love to be a married mom, but that would also take dating someone for more than two weeks, or being able to date someone for more than two weeks. Which I'm beginning to doubt is even a possibility. I mean, I barely have any close friendships that have lasted over 2 or 3 years before they've become strained or left behind. I don't talk with anyone from grade school, or high school, or really even college, much less grad school. There have been some lifetime friendships that have gone through seasons. Oh, okay, sorry about that small pity party. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and am a bit emotional right now. It may be hormones, but it's also D's birthday on Sunday and I'm going to visit and I'm a bit worried that I'm going to be an emotional blob by the time I get there. I can't believe he's turning 6. Oh, and I found his birthfather's girlfriend's blog. And I found out his location. And I have no freaking idea what to do about this information. None. Part of me wants to make sure that he knows and stick a hot poker in there, but part of me just wants nothing to do with him ever again and just leave it as it is. I don't want him to try to get in touch with D, and I don't want to drag him through any legal dispute however warranted it may be, it's just not something I want to go through. And in other news, I started working on a cardigan for myself. Out of yarn that I got in Paris.
looking back - thinking ahead
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